10 Things SB Hates About HSR

10. First off, have you heard the way this guy talks? He thinks his name is "Homestaw Wunnor". What, did his mom think is was cute that he spoke like that when he was a kid, and then never bother to get him speech therapy?

9. And then there's his face. Trust me, you really don't wanna see his face straight on. First time I saw it, I thought he had... eyeslip...itis or something. And even from the side, Homestar Runner's overbite and stupid propeller cap is not something you wanna see staring at you out of your computer screen.

8. Okay, let's get down to the important stuff: Homestar has the IQ of a dead mollusk. Seriously, you ask him the time and he'll say "Oh, I think this is the Quatornawy." And then he'll probably start doing a dance, for like, no reason. And then I'll tell him to get out of my house.

7. Next on the list, we have his creepy ability to pick stuff up without arms. It bothers me way more than it should bother you guys that I can type with boxing gloves on. How does he pick stuff up without arms?? Oh man, this is gonna bother me all day. Thanks a lot, whatever it was that made me decide to write this list.

6. He's keeping all the hot chicks to himself! And by that, I mean all the Marzipan, and she's not even that attractive. And she's a stupid hippy and I hate her. But that still doesn't mean he deserves her. He doesn't even deserve Strong Sad. Yeah you are, dumpbreath.

5. I don't know what is it, but I can never beat Homestar in anything. Except popularity. I got the brains, the muscles, the lady fans, and a The Cheat. So how come Homestar's the one with the extensive trophy cabinet? So... he doesn't deserve that either. Onto the next thing.

4. So apparently Homestar thinks he can sing, but trust me, he can't. I'm a successful singing... artist, and you should trust me when I say that listening to Homestar sing is like listening to Strong Mad singing in the shower while an air strike goes on the background, like NEEEEEEEEEROW POOSH!, and um, there's a stampede of wildebeest thundering nearby. That's how bad his singing is.

3. Homestar's skin is bone white. I dunno why that bothers me so much. Most of the other idiots around here have skin that color, but Homestar's skin is a particularly blinding variety. In fact, I think he must take baths in toothpaste or something. It goes kinda yellow when he doesn't bathe.

2. He stole my signature shirt, man. Listen, I don't tell many peoples about this, but back when I was in high school, the star shirt was Strong Bad's shirt. You see a white star on a red background, you know I was there, and then you worship that spot as somewhere I hung out at. But then Homestar showed up, and totally ruined the awesomeness of the star shirt with his... Homestarness.

1. Finally, in a shocking display of not-justice, his name is in the URL of the website. I mean, I'm the main character. The website should be strongbad.com or strongbademail.com or sbisonpoint.com. I'd even go for homeschoolwinner.com if you gave me five bucks. But homestarrunner.com? Were they trying to make my glove... pads... seize up whenever I tried to type that in? I hate those website-naming guys. They never shoulda quit their day jobs.