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"Isn't it great to have Sybil as our PR manager?" said Sam.

"Finally!" said Max. "One of her careers is useful!"

Sam glared at him. "That's not nice, Max. Besides, Sybil's careers have frequently been vital to resolving whatever peril the world has found itself in this week."

"I meant to my ego," said Max.

"Okay, guys," said Sybil, who I guess had just been sitting there the whole time without saying anything. "I ran a focus group, and according to your female fans, Sam should wear glasses."

"We have female fans?" said Sam.

At the same time, Max said "You have a focus group?"

Sybil felt a little uncomfortable. "Actually, it was an Internet forum thread." But she was pretty sure they functioned the same as focus groups. "And of course you have female fans, Sam!"

Sam just stared at her. "Why?" he managed.

"Come for the explosions, stay for the utter implausibility," suggested Max.

Sam shook his head. "Naw, that can't be right. We barely ever blow things up these days." He looked back at Sybil. "Hang on a second. Don't our fans have some manner of discriminatory taboo forbidding intimate relations with a person of the talking animal persuasion?"

"Not on the Internet, apparently," said Sybil with a shrug. "And they... said you were more human than Max was."

Sam looked offended. "More human? I've got half a mind to start up an activist blog!"

"Ooh!" said Max. "Call it The Perils of Living in A World of Hairless Apes colon A Journey to the Centre of the Sentient Condition colon The Tail of the Little People. Get it? Tail?"

"Uh..." said Sam. "I'll, uh, think about it, pal." To Sybil, he said "I don't want to sound overly eager, but is there any way I could get glasses right this second?"

"I could shoot you in the eye," suggested Max, drawing his gun.

"Thanks, Max," said Sam, "but I was kind of hoping not to have to run the risk of bleeding to death from my mangled eye sockets."

"You take the fun out of everything, Sam," said Max, but he kept his gun out.

Sybil took off her glasses. "Here," she said to the blurry brown and grey shape in front of her. "Try these on."

After a second, she heard Sam say "Hmmm. Do you have anything more... manly?"

"I dunno, Sam," said Max. "I think the streamlined transvestite look really suits you!"

Sam handed Sybil her glasses back, and Sybil searched through her desk. "Try these."

"Moonlighting as an optometrist, Sybil?" said Sam, frowning at the horn-rimmed glasses she'd given him.

"Of course not!" said Sybil. "I don't know anything about eye doctoring!" What kind of unethical quack did they think she was? She'd never take on a job she wasn't trained for.

"Then are you a vicious serial killer, appropriating the glasses of your victims as a not-so-grisly souvenir?" said Max, hopefully. Sybil didn't bother answering.

Sam put the glasses on, and squinted. "I can practically see the waves and waves of beautiful women breaking down the door already."

"I think that's a cactus, Sam," said Max.

Sam squinted harder. "Oh yeah." He looked at Sybil. "What do you say, Sybil?"

Sybil, who had been staring with her mouth open, composed herself with an effort. She hadn't thought it was possible, but the glasses honestly made Sam look kind of handsome. Sam, the overweight, sociopathic detective wannabe with no sense of personal hygiene. She liked him as a friend and everything, but... "On... second thought, maybe you shouldn't... wear... Well... uh..."

"You actually think I'm attractive, don't you!" accused Sam.

"First time for everything," said Max. Sam glared at him.

"Look guys, let's just forget the glasses," said Sybil, holding out her hand to take them back.

Sam took off the glasses and slipped them into his coat. "Oh no, I'm hanging onto these. I don't suppose you happen to have any more miraculous articles of clothing?"

"Dalmatics!" said Max, bouncing up and down excitedly. "Dalmatics!"

Sybil checked the printout she'd made earlier. "Well... It says something about a kilt..."

Sam shuddered. "No way."

Max looked at him. "Sam, if you wear a kilt in public, I will buy you lunch every day for a month."

"Deal," said Sam, without missing a beat.
In which Sam and Max are sexist and Sybil for some reason doesn't agree with me on Sam's awesomeness.

Whatever this is is the writing equivalent of that "just a quick sketch" I keep hearing about. It's not the greatest thing I ever wrote.

It's based on this thread on the Telltale forums, where the conversation turned for a while to whether or not Sam would be hot with glasses.

This picture by ~Ginny-N is another thing to come out of this.

Ending is a reference to this, specifically here on. Some people might worry about that forum. I'm just glad it's so awesome.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconfairytailfanatic:
FairyTailfanatic Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2011
anyone else notice that the initials/accronym for the title of the game/comics is SAM?
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:iconavistew:
Avistew Featured By Owner May 8, 2010
I want to see that in-game or at least in some sort of fanvid.
It's awesome :D
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:iconhappypants3:
Happypants3 Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2010
Oh my gosh, that was adorable. And strangely fourth-wall-breaking. :thumbsup: I find it really cool that even with only vague knowledge of the characters in SaM, your fics are still really accessible to me.
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:iconclanker:
Clanker Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2010
Thanks! Sam and Max break the fourth wall a lot, but not usually that blatantly.

I guess it's easier to be accessible when the canon isn't very complicated. It's just Sam and Max running around making jokes and causing mayhem the whole way though.
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:iconlight-rises:
Light-Rises Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2010
*falls out of chair*

Fan. Tastic. You, madam, get a gold star in Funny Fanon Appropriation. :star:

Now, to go pedantic for a moment (please forgive my inner English major wannabe) ...

"And there... said you were more human than Max was."

"There" should be "they."

She'd never take PM a job she wasn't trained for.

"Scratch that. Reverse it."

... Aaaannnd the second link in your last paragraph is the same as the first one. ^^;

To end on a positive note: If the dalmatics Max is referring to are what I think he's referring to ... oh lol.
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:iconrubygloommel:
rubygloommel Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2010
Lol thanks for actually providing a link to dalmatics so I didn't have to get off my lazy arse and look myself :P Trust Max to think of that :P
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:iconlight-rises:
Light-Rises Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2010
I live to serve! =P
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:iconclanker:
Clanker Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2010
Thanks for the corrections! I'm normally better about it, but I really wanted to get it done that night, and it was kind of late already.

I found another mistake while I was fixing those, in fact. Sam wasn't really supposed to want to bleed to death from being shot in the face.

And yeah, those. Sam is very religious you know.
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:iconlight-rises:
Light-Rises Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2010
No problem!

I found another mistake while I was fixing those, in fact. Sam wasn't really supposed to want to bleed to death from being shot in the face.

Heh. That did make me "hmm" a moment, but I guess I wasn't sure enough to point it out.

And looking back at it ... um ... I think there's still a "not" missing there, actually. ^^;

And yeah, those. Sam is very religious you know.

Yes. Very.



... *snerk*
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:iconclanker:
Clanker Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2010
That's weird... Looks like I hit save without waiting for my changes to the text file to go through. Anyway, it's fixed now. Thanks.

Actually, I think of Sam as being a lapsed Protestant who's one step away from being an atheist. He has seen proof that Hell exists, though...
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:iconlight-rises:
Light-Rises Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2010
Actually, I think of Sam as being a lapsed Protestant who's one step away from being an atheist.

Sounds plausible to me. Actually, it's interesting ... it reminds me of a thought I've had about Sam's dad or uncle being a preacher. I'm not quite sure enough about it to adopt it as personal fanon. But it's there, asking to be used in a potential Christmas kid!fic about Max and eventually Sam ruining a Nativity play. If it's meant to be, I hope I'll get a chance to knuckle down on that one soon.
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:iconclanker:
Clanker Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2010
That sounds like a great idea, and I hope you write it. I love kidfic. I've come up with personalities for Sam's older brother, his older sister, his mum, and his cousin, but not his dad, actually. I need to get onto that.
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:iconlight-rises:
Light-Rises Featured By Owner Apr 12, 2010
Thanks! I love writing kids, so there's a good chance it'll get done. And yes, get to figuring out his father! I'd like to see your interpretation.

... I feel like I took over the entire comments section. Eep. ^^;
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:iconclanker:
Clanker Featured By Owner Apr 13, 2010
That's okay. It was fun talking to you.
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:iconginny-n:
Ginny-N Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Where's the hell you been all this time!?
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:iconlight-rises:
Light-Rises Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2010
Hiding. Most of my DA page still feels woefully outdated to me, so I spent the last few months lurking in shame.

I think I'm starting to get over it, though. I hope to be seen 'round these parts more often from now on. At least that's the plan! :fingerscrossed:
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:iconginny-n:
Ginny-N Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2010  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Better you do. I'm watching you now!
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:iconlight-rises:
Light-Rises Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2010
OH SNAP.

... Oh, and I'm watching you back. :3
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:iconrubygloommel:
rubygloommel Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2010
Lol, poor Sybil, bring drawn into the dark dark world of semi-beastiality :P
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:iconclanker:
Clanker Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2010
I agree with ~Light-Rises. Being attracted to talking animals appears to be okay in Sam & Max. Bosco's mother fell pretty hard for Max... And then there's the woman who hits on Sam & Max in Hit the Road.

Still, poor Sybil. Sam is not a good person to be attracted to.
Reply
:iconlight-rises:
Light-Rises Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2010
My forgetfulness strikes again! ^^; Funny to think this dates back all the way to Hit the Road, though.

Still, poor Sybil. Sam is not a good person to be attracted to.

Worse is that even so, Sam would still be one of the better choices. At least of the eligible bachelors we've met so far. Ai yi yi.
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:iconclanker:
Clanker Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2010
When Satan is one of the more stable, sensible characters, then there's probably something wrong.

In a good way, of course.
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:iconlight-rises:
Light-Rises Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2010
Indeed.
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:iconrubygloommel:
rubygloommel Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2010
Naw, it still makes me giggle when remembering how akward (sp?) Sam was with that woman in Hit the Road :P And also, don't be mean to poor Sam! He's...uhm, well, according to Max in the animated series, his fur is nice and soft and cuddly ^_^ All you need to do is look past Sam's obvious personality defects :P

Definitely a hell of a lot better than Harry bloody Moleman :P
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:iconclanker:
Clanker Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2010
Oh, Sam is awesome, he just wouldn't make a good boyfriend. And there'd probably be some sort of Max jealousy plot that would result in injury for somebody.

...Actually, I had a story idea along those lines once. Sam starts seeing someone, Max suspects that she's evil, turns out she is.

But yeah, definitely better than Harry. Harry's kind of... Well, I don't believe that he was hypnotised in Season 1. He didn't seem hypnotised.
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:iconrubygloommel:
rubygloommel Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2010
Poor Sam, seems like he wouldn't be able to date anyone even if he wanted 'cos of Max...meh, he probably doesn't mind :)

You should post that story! :D
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:iconclanker:
Clanker Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2010
I might do that. But first I need to figure out how Sam's girlfriend is evil. I'm already using Sam being mind controlled in another story that I have all plotted out...

I'm sure I'll think of something.
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:iconlight-rises:
Light-Rises Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2010
For what it's worth ... I have an orphaned story idea that involves Sam becoming smitten with a cop -- a real cop. (Cue conflict of interest!) There was also an evil child beauty pageant involved somehow. Something to do with the cop being the mother of one of the contestants, I think.

The story never really gelled for multiple reasons, but I think the first plot thread has potential. Maybe it could end up kick-starting your story somehow? *shrug*
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:iconclanker:
Clanker Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2010
It might, thank you!
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:iconrubygloommel:
rubygloommel Featured By Owner Apr 7, 2010
Good luck! :) Let me know when it's finished! :D
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:iconlight-rises:
Light-Rises Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2010
To be fair, acceptence of human/sapient animal pairings are kinda-sorta canonical in the Telltale Sam & Max games (or at least seen as more acceptable than a human/animated-head-of-a-statue pairing by the other characters). If you've played up to Night of the Raving Dead, you'll see what I mean. ;)
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:iconrubygloommel:
rubygloommel Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2010
Hmm...I don't remember anything disturbing on that particular level - you'll have to remind me. But I have to say, the whole statue-head-brought-to-life thing does raise unwanted and mind-crushingly-awful questions O_o
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:iconlight-rises:
Light-Rises Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2010
When Sybil is looking for a new boyfriend, one of the males she interviews is none other than Harry Moleman. Also note her initial reaction to Sam & Max the first time they come to visit her that episode.

Granted, she may not be (read: probably isn't) the best means by which to gauge how everyone else would react. But that's the overall impression I got from both seasons regardless.

This also reminds me that I'm overdue for a Season 2 re-play! ^^;
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:iconrubygloommel:
rubygloommel Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2010
Lol, maybe she's just been living on that street too long and really is just as mental as everyone else there :P But I find it much more difficult and sickening to believe that Harry Moleman of all animals would be an option O_o
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:iconlight-rises:
Light-Rises Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2010
Tell me about it. There's desparate, then there's, um, whatever Sybil was doing that episode. (Also, she totally should've stuck with Jurgen's Monster, but I digress.)

Still, I feel a little bad for Harry. He doesn't seem to have found his niche yet. Doesn't help that the poor guy was a more likable character in his first appearance. :(
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:iconrubygloommel:
rubygloommel Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2010
I dunno, I never really liked his character all that much :/ He has his moments, but mostly his voice just grates on my nerves - I did however, like his soul trail voice :P

And again I disagree, Sybil should've totally chosen Superball! *Thunder, lightning, random horses spooking in the background* I mean, thunder roars and lightning crashes whenever his name is uttered! Yay for horror movie references! :D
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:iconlight-rises:
Light-Rises Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2010
Diff'rent strokes, I suppose. *shrug* I can see how his voice might be grating, though. One thing I've learned is that I seem to have a higher-than-usual tolerance for voices (and sometimes characters) many people find annoying. 'Tis strange. :P

Oh, don't get me wrong. Superball is amazing, and so are horror movie references! It's just that the Monster seemed more like the type of guy Sybil was looking for (and not just because Sam & Max were rigging those interviews in his favor ;) ). But perhaps I'm just being too practical. This is Sam & Max we're talking about here. *grin*
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:iconcheri-chan:
Cheri-chan Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
I just might have to draw that now too. :x
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:iconzikka:
Zikka Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Teehee...chuckle...HAHAHAHROFL!!!
...Yeah, I'm one of Sam's fanatics too...
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